Uncivil Rights
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Total Kaos Guilt Offsets Now On Sale!!
On the heels of one of the zaniest scams Dave and I have ever heard of, I. E. Al Gore’s Carbon credits, we here at Total Kaos are now prepared to offer Total Kaos Guilt Offsets.
Yes, for a limited time only, it will be possible for you or a loved one to purchase from the Total Kaos crew any number of credits good towards alleviating whatever guilt type you may be experiencing.
Finally, a simple, full proof method that will wash away forever all those uncomfortable stressful feelings.
Do you have ‘white guilt’? Are you embarrassed due to your oppressive role in keeping the black man down? We've got the answer. Simply call now to 718-664-9588 and one of our operators will be glad to get you on that first step towards Narcissistic pale skinned freedom. At only $250 an hour , reparations never felt so good!
Feeling remorse due to your worldly success? Feeling bad that you’re financially successful while the rest of humanity trudges through lives filled with poverty, strife, and hopelessness? Well, you should! And we’re here to help. Again, that number is 718-664-9588. Just tell the operator that you’re tired of stealing from the little guy and instantly feel your social responsibilities gently drifting away. And at the bargain-basement price of only $1000 an hour you’d be an average Joe sucker to pass this one up. Bet you’re feeling better already!
Feel like you’re not doing your part for the environment? You should be ashamed of yourself! And if you are, you’ve come to the right place. Dial now...718-664-9588 and let Dave and Glen take the blame for the inevitable doom of every single baby polar bear on Earth. Surely, you’ve got better things to do with your time than worry about the weather. Let us help. For a mere $500 per hour, we’ll gladly bear the unsettling responsibility for your role in the upcoming carbon fueled apocalypse.
Committed an actual crime or sin? Have we got a deal for you! Why feel bad when Dave and Glen are a simple phone call away. Dial 718-664-9588...operators are standing by. Just $50 an hour and it’ll be like all those extramarital affairs never even happened! So you stuck your parents in a flea-bitten rag-tag nursing home. Who cares! Let Dave and Glen handle all your remorse...hell, they hate old people! And that body in your crawl space? No problem! With Total Kaos Guilt Offsets, your anxiety is a thing of the past.
And if you order now, Dave and Glen will throw in an ‘On Air’ tongue lashing on their show Total Kaos with Dave and Glen over at Blog Talk Radio. Absolutely free! That’s an $80 value!
So don’t wait...order now. Operators are standing by.
