Uncivil Rights
A BLOG rife with wit, sarcasm, and the endless joy which comes from taunting the socialistic and unpatriotic liberal left. Logical thoughts and musings ONLY need reply...unless you're really, really funny. You have the Uncivil Right to be an IDIOT.
"Give me LIBERTY, or give me DEATH!"
Saturday, December 24, 2005
A Merry Liberal Christmas
Some things are worth repeating:
Courtroom, San Francisco:
JUDGE: Well Mr. Clause, you’ve heard the evidence against you. You’ve been accused of the following:
* Giving unsafe toys to unsuspecting girls and boys.
* Cruelty to animals by continually making reindeer “play games” and “fly” you around in a sleigh on extremely cold winter nights. You even had one reindeer, which shall remain nameless, surgically altered to have a red, glowing nose for your own sadistic purpose.
* Your sleigh has been deemed unsafe due to lack of safety restraint system, lack of an anti-lock braking system, no front or rear crash tested safety bumpers, no parking, head, or brake lights, no safety rollover bars or roof, and no aerial safety flashing lights as required by the FAA.
* You have willfully and wantonly kept slave labor, in the form of elves, at your “workshop” at the North Pole. They have been forced to design, create, and manufacture these unsafe toys under your direction. OSHA has also found these elves using lead paint and other chemicals that can cause irreparable harm to these creatures, not to mention their working conditions.
ELF: Yeah fat boy! Now I can’t have kids!
JUDGE: ORDER! ORDER! SIT DOWN SIR! Or I’ll have you removed from this courtroom! Now to continue:
* You have also violated the Wagner Act by not allowing these elves to organize and join a union.
* You have had trees killed, every year, to promote this “day” of yours.
* Also, these trees have been deemed to be a religious symbol promoting a particular religion.
* Mr. Clause, you have, for as long as I can remember, offended Jews, Muslims, Atheists, and all other non-Christian religions throughout the entire world. You have tried to promote your “selfless giving” and have finally been caught. What say you?
SANTA: Uhhh…Merry Christmas?
JUDGE: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT IN MY COURT! Guards! Put this man in a cell. I am charging him with contempt. Mr. Clause, you can sit there and think about what you have done to kids all over the world!
Guards take Mr. Clause and lead him down to the holding cells.
GUARD 1: Let’s put him in number three with that other guy.
GUARD 2: Yeah, then they can console each other.
Cell door opens and the guards push Mr. Clause in.
OCCUPANT: What are you in for?
SANTA: Bringing joy to the world and promoting religion. How about you?
OCCUPANT: Same thing. What’s your name?
SANTA: Santa Clause, and yours?
OCCUPANT: Jesus Christ.
Courtroom, San Francisco:
JUDGE: Well Mr. Clause, you’ve heard the evidence against you. You’ve been accused of the following:
* Giving unsafe toys to unsuspecting girls and boys.
* Cruelty to animals by continually making reindeer “play games” and “fly” you around in a sleigh on extremely cold winter nights. You even had one reindeer, which shall remain nameless, surgically altered to have a red, glowing nose for your own sadistic purpose.
* Your sleigh has been deemed unsafe due to lack of safety restraint system, lack of an anti-lock braking system, no front or rear crash tested safety bumpers, no parking, head, or brake lights, no safety rollover bars or roof, and no aerial safety flashing lights as required by the FAA.
* You have willfully and wantonly kept slave labor, in the form of elves, at your “workshop” at the North Pole. They have been forced to design, create, and manufacture these unsafe toys under your direction. OSHA has also found these elves using lead paint and other chemicals that can cause irreparable harm to these creatures, not to mention their working conditions.
ELF: Yeah fat boy! Now I can’t have kids!
JUDGE: ORDER! ORDER! SIT DOWN SIR! Or I’ll have you removed from this courtroom! Now to continue:
* You have also violated the Wagner Act by not allowing these elves to organize and join a union.
* You have had trees killed, every year, to promote this “day” of yours.
* Also, these trees have been deemed to be a religious symbol promoting a particular religion.
* Mr. Clause, you have, for as long as I can remember, offended Jews, Muslims, Atheists, and all other non-Christian religions throughout the entire world. You have tried to promote your “selfless giving” and have finally been caught. What say you?
SANTA: Uhhh…Merry Christmas?
JUDGE: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT IN MY COURT! Guards! Put this man in a cell. I am charging him with contempt. Mr. Clause, you can sit there and think about what you have done to kids all over the world!
Guards take Mr. Clause and lead him down to the holding cells.
GUARD 1: Let’s put him in number three with that other guy.
GUARD 2: Yeah, then they can console each other.
Cell door opens and the guards push Mr. Clause in.
OCCUPANT: What are you in for?
SANTA: Bringing joy to the world and promoting religion. How about you?
OCCUPANT: Same thing. What’s your name?
SANTA: Santa Clause, and yours?
OCCUPANT: Jesus Christ.
totalkaosdave, 9:47 AM
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