Uncivil Rights

A BLOG rife with wit, sarcasm, and the endless joy which comes from taunting the socialistic and unpatriotic liberal left. Logical thoughts and musings ONLY need reply...unless you're really, really funny. You have the Uncivil Right to be an IDIOT. "Give me LIBERTY, or give me DEATH!"

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Barbara Walters Special Part I

Another excerpt from the book, If Liberalism Existed Since the Beginning of Time by yours truly. This chapter is entitled, The Barbara Walters Special Part I.

BW: We are here tonight interviewing the only woman impregnated by GOD; a woman famous for giving birth while still a "virgin"; the mother of Jesus Christ our Lord; a woman to whom Catholics pray; a woman scorned, now trying to get the father of her child to help support HIS child; please welcome, Mary. Good evening Mary. Thanks for being here.

Mary: Good evening Barbara. Thanks for having me.

BW: So tell me, what is it like, being the mother of Jesus Christ, the Son of God?

Mary: Well it certainly has been no picnic, believe you me. Just try and discipline a child that can turn breast milk into wine, and walk on his bath water. He has recently been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, and he's now on Ritalin. He has not been the "little slice of Heaven" that I was told he would be. Why just the other day, he threw a tantrum when some neighborhood kids went swimming in "his" kiddie pool. Poor little Damien broke his arm when he jumped in the pool and Jesus parted the waters. Now Damien's parents are threatening to sue! And just where is his FATHER while all of this is happening? He's nowhere to be found. I tell you, if I knew then what I know now...I never would have agreed to have sex with him. After all, he said he was omnipotent; I didn't think I would get pregnant. And then, you'd think since I was carrying GOD's child, it would be easy! I had morning sickness for 7 straight months! And not only that, I had to give birth in a horse's stall for Christ's sake! And the labor HURT! Did you see the size of his noggin? My God, it's the size of a watermelon...and I was still a VIRGIN! I didn't think it could get worse!

BW: What are you looking for now? What do you want?

Mary: A little support from his FATHER would be a nice start. HE hasn't been the father that Jesus needs, and HE certainly hasn't kept up on HIS child support payments. Some days we've had to have Jesus turn stones into fish just so we wouldn't go hungry. All I'm asking for is a little help. Some health care and a nice home. The only bright spot is when I get sick, at least Jesus can heal me.

BW: You've now hired an attorney, why?

Mary: To protect my rights and the rights of my son, and get what we deserve. And don't tell me HE didn't see this coming either; HE's GOD! It's time he steps up to the plate and act like a man...or GOD. So if I have to take HIS ass to court, so be it!

BW: This couldn't have been worked out some other way?

Mary: I guess not. It's not as if I haven't tried to work with HIM. But now HE won't even return my phone calls or answer my prayers. I'm tired of chasing HIM around the netherworld. If HE wanted to work this out, HE knew where to find me; HE always knew...He's GOD.

BW: What's next?

Mary: Springer.
totalkaosdave, 7:08 PM